Ferengi Rues of Acquisition

Rule 001 - Once you have their money, you never give it back.
Rule 002 - The best deal is the one that brings the most profit. 

Rule 003 - Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to. 

Rule 004 - A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen. 

Rule 006 - Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity. 

Rule 007 - Keep your ears open. 

Rule 008 - Small print leads to large risk. 

Rule 009 - Opportunity plus instinct equals profit. 

Rule 010 - Greed is eternal. 

Rule 011 - Even if it's free, you can always buy it cheaper. 

Rule 012 - Anything worth doing is worth doing for money. 

Rule 013 - Anything worth doing is worth doing twice. 

Rule 014 - Keep your family close, keep your Latinum closer. 

Rule 016 - A deal is a deal. (until a better one comes along). 

Rule 017 - A contract is a contract is a contract - but only between Ferengi. 

Rule 018 - A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all. Ferengi

Rule 019 - Satisfaction is not guaranteed. 

Rule 020 - Only give money to people you know you can steal from. 

Rule 021 - Never place friendship before profit. 

Rule 022 - A wise man can hear profit in the wind. 

Rule 024 - Latinum can't buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it. 

Rule 025 - There's always a way out. 

Rule 026 - As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer. 

Rule 027 - There's nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman. 

Rule 028 - Whisper your way to success. 

Rule 029 - What's in it for me? 

Rule 031 - Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother. (insult something he cares about, instead). 

Rule 033 - It never hurts to suck up to the boss. 

Rule 034 - War is good for business. 

Rule 035 - Peace is good for business. 

Rule 037 - If it's free, take it and worry about hidden costs later. 

Rule 039 - Friendship is temporary; profit is forever. 

Rule 040 - She can touch your lobes, but never your Latinum. 

Rule 041 - Profit is its own reward. 

Rule 042 - What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too. 

Rule 044 - Never confuse wisdom with luck. 

Rule 045 - Ambition knows no family. 

Rule 046 - Make your shop easy to find. 

Rule 047 - Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own. 

Rule 048 - The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife. 

Rule 049 - Everything is worth something to somebody. 

Rule 050 - Gratitude can bring on generosity. 

Rule 051 - Reward anyone who adds to your profits so they will continue to do so. 

Rule 052 - Never ask when you can take. 

Rule 057 - Good customers are as rare as Latinum, Treasure them. 

Rule 058 - There is no substitute for success. 

Rule 059 - Free advice is seldom cheap. 

Rule 060 - Keep your lies consistent. 

Rule 062 - The riskier the road, the greater the profit. 

Rule 065 - Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff. 

Rule 068 - Ear stroking will get you anything. 

• Rule 069 - Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races. 

Rule 072 - Never trust your customers. 

Rule 073 - If it gets you profit, sell your own mother. 

Rule 075 - Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of Latinum. 

Rule 076 - Every once in a while, declare peace. "It confuses the hell out of your enemies". 

Rule 077 - It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit. 

Rule 078 - When the going gets tough, the tough change the Rules. 

Rule 079 - Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge. 

Rule 082 - The flimsier the product, the higher the price. 

Rule 084 - A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount. 

Rule 085 - Never let the competition know what you're thinking. 

Rule 087 - A friend in need means three times the profit. 

Rule 089 - Ask not what your profits can do for you, ask what you can do for your profits. 

Rule 092 - There are many paths to profit. 

Rule 093 - Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly. 

Rule 094 - Females and finances don't mix. 

Rule 095 - Expand or die. 

Rule 096 - For every Rule, there is an equal and opposite Rule, (except when there's not). 

Rule 097 - Enough... is never enough. 

Rule 098 - Every man has his price. 

Rule 099 - Trust is the biggest liability of all. 

Rule 100 - If they take your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much. 

Rule 101 - The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it. 

Rule 102 - Nature decays, but Latinum lasts forever. 

Rule 103 - Sleep can interfere with... 

Rule 104 - Faith moves mountains... (of inventory). 

Rule 105 - Don't trust anyone who trusts you. 

Rule 106 - There is no honor in poverty. 

Rule 107 - A warranty is valid only if they can find you. 

Rule 109 - Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack. 

Rule 111 - Treat people in your debt like family, exploit them ruthlessly 

Rule 112 - Never have sex with the boss' sister. 

Rule 113 - Always have sex with the boss. 

Rule 115 - The best contract always has a lot of fine print. 

Rule 116 - There's always a catch. 

Rule 117 - Everything is for sale, including friendship. 

Rule 119 - Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet,(sometimes, good things come in small packages). 

Rule 121 - Everything is for sale, including friendship. 

Rule 123 - Even a blind man can recognize the glow of Latinum. 

Rule 125 - You can't make a deal if you're dead. 

Rule 126 - Count it. 

Rule 127 - Stay neutral in conflict so that you can sell supplies to both  sides. 

Rule 135 - Never trust a beneficiary. 

Rule 139 - Wives serve, brothers inherit. 

Rule 141 - Only fools pay retail. 

Rule 142 - There's no such thing as an unfair advantage. 

Rule 143 - Risk is part of the game... play it for all it's worth. 

Rule 144 - There's nothing wrong with charity...as long as it winds up in your pocket. 

Rule 146 - Necessity, n. The mother of invention. Profit is the father. 

Rule 152 - A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know. 

Rule 153 - Sell the sizzle, not the steak. 

Rule 162 - Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit. 

Rule 168 - Whisper your way to success. 

Rule 169 - Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive. 

Rule 171 - Blood is thicker than water, and Latinum is thicker than both. 

Rule 172 - Chances aren't what they used to be. 

Rule 177 - Know your enemies... but do business with them always. 

Rule 181 - Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit. 

Rule 188 - A fool and his money is the best customer. 

Rule 189 - Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money. 

Rule 190 - Hear all, trust nothing. 

Rule 191 - A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves. 

Rule 192 - Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can get away with it. 

Rule 194 - It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door. 

Rule 200 - If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable. 

Rule 202 - The justification of profit is profit. 

Rule 203 - New customers are like razor-backed Gree worms... They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back! 

Rule 204 - It takes a Ferengi to cheat a Ferengi. 

Rule 208 - Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an = 

answer. 

Rule 211 - Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success... don't 

hesitate to step on them. 

Rule 214 - Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach. 

Rule 216 - Never gamble with an empath. 

Rule 217 - You can't free a fish from water. 

Rule 218 - Always know what you're buying 

Rule 219 - Possession is 11/10 of the law. 

Rule 223 - Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox. 

Rule 229 - Latinum lasts longer than lust. 

Rule 231 - There's a sucker born every minute; be sure you're the 

first to find each one. 

Rule 236 - You can't buy fate. 

Rule 239 - Never be afraid to mislabel a product. 

Rule 241 - Never trust a hardworking employee. 

Rule 242 - More is good... all is better. 

Rule 253 - Synthehol is the lubricant of choice for a customer's stuck pu= 

rse. 

Rule 255 - A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant, a necessity. 

Rule 256 - Accountants do not play the game; they only keep the score. 

Rule 260 - Life's not fair. How else would you turn a profit? 

Rule 261 - A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience. 

Rule 262 - A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on. 

Rule 263 - Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for Latinum. 

Rule 265 - The customer is always right, (...until you get their cash). 

Rule 266 - When in doubt, lie. 

Rule 267 - If you believe it, they believe it. 

Rule 270 - In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important 

as a calculator. 

Rule 277 - Anything worth fighting for is worth hiding from. 

Rule 284 - Deep down, everyone's a Ferengi. 

Rule 285 - No good deed ever goes unpunished. 

Rule 286 - When Morn leaves, it's all over. (Quark made this rule up) 

Rule 299 - Whenever you exploit someone, it never hurts to thank them. 

That way, it's easier to exploit them the next time.